Sedative

I am betraying my dozy eyes
and keeping my dreams at bay
until I find your arms
to put me to sleep again

I desist the calmant of night
and decline the salve of moon
for the only sedative I need
is to be gently caressed by you.

-Chhaya

Set to Fly

I could feel my legs shaking
as I stood there in a dark corner
surrounded by silence
holding my pieces together
curling my toes harder
to clutch the ground
for a firmer grip
as to be fallen was not an option
and to shatter was beyond question
all I needed was a moment with self
to yet again get hold of my life
which I had since long
left in deep denial

can’t believe
how utterly consumed I was
by something so futile
that I could so easily forget
the worth of my own being

time had almost gone still by now
as eerie thoughts rampaged my mind
and I found myself almost in shambles
with no way out for any respite

so I go on to close my weary eyes
in an attempt to see if I could find
some solace in ever lingering pain
of piles of wound that I had imbibed
and I shook my blemished frame a bit
and stirred my patchy battered soul
to shed off the weight of dry flakes
from rotting skin and decaying hope

while I could feel my nerves throbbing really hard
and the rush of blood going down my spine
but I was yet to make myself truly believe
that I had survived the brutal assaults of life
so I placed my hand close to my heart
and gave my breaths a little miss for a while
and as I fluttered to gasp for some air within
I knew I was alive and all set to fly.

-Chhaya

Finding Love

You were too shallow
to bear the depth of my love
but someday I will find
the soul to hold
the enormous love
which my heart comprise

and the arms to embrace
every fraction of me
through my length and breadth
and the depths inside

the touch which feels
beyond my skin
and the eyes that gaze
beneath my guise

the one who fills
every pore of me
and engulfs my whole
in his amorous zephyr.

-Chhaya

 

 

 

Broken Ties

Ties broken
are not always a call
to an end
sometimes they can be
unexpected beginnings
to unrevealed stories
that the future wants us to write
by forging us to a mystic journey
of self revelation
of hidden unfelt emotions
of unheard inner voices
of unconfronted truths
of covert lies
of the move from disguise
to reality
and to everything
that we had been
so oblivion to
that the only way
we could have
come to terms with
our unexplored selves
was by breaking the bonds
which adhered us together
sometimes making us feel
like we were prisoners of
our own fears and dilemmas
and sometimes like two bodies
held together by a magnetic force
and left to float free
yet confined
to the limits of its field

and now, my love
while we break off the ties
that we had built together
with all the ardor and hope
we are bound to shatter ourselves
as we blow off the walls
of our own boundaries
and while we will come out
a little broken and bruised
please trust
that the heart knows well
how to heal
and though this pain may last
and leave us in despair at times
we are going to find reasons
to smile again and move on
in this journey
that the universe has
forced us to step into.

– Chhaya

Room

I kept emptying myself
to make room for someone
who was just not meant to stay

a fool I was
to have completely forgotten
the feeling of vacant rooms
left unoccupied in the past
the doors of which
I have locked now
burying the keys
under the pile of
abandoned memories
which remain unmoved
until shaken by dreary thoughts
causing unwarned turmoils
to awaken dormant fears

the trapped emptiness
behind locked doors
still knock hard at times though
reminding me
of the lingering void
which I have been trying
to run away from

yet there’s no escape
from the growing mustiness
inside muggy rooms
which vent out
of the corners of
broken windows
seeping into my pores
dampening my dry desires
as a clammy space longs for
the warmth of two bodies
close to each other.

-Chhaya

Stretching Too Far

I will come out
of this gloom
not for you
but for myself
and I hope that
you come out too
of this despair
not for me
but for yourself

for this darkness
has clung on to our feet
for too long now
restricting us
from stepping out
of this space
full of insecurities
and apprehensions
some yours
and some mine
the residues from the past
the baggage of which
we have been carrying
with us all the time
to burden our present
with the weight of
fears about the future

and while we may say
we tried our best
to pull each other out
of this growing woe
yet we never ceased
to remind ourselves
that we were more vulnerable
than any other soul

well, we don’t realise that
yearning for admiration
and adulation
is even capable of
making us deeply mean
it’s strange though
that we believe that
love can only yield
the most venerable traits
that do exist

so we went on
stretching ourselves
till we could endure
just trying hard
to hold on to each other
for giving up would have meant
that we were callous and unkind
the characteristics which we
the so called “sensitive” beings
don’t want to get labelled by

but how did we forget
there’s a limit to stretching
and someday we would break
and fall far apart
only to realise that
the hold which seemed so tight
had an intent extremely fragile
which crumbled under the grip
and collapsed in a little while

and while the breakage
would certainly be divisive
but may be we would find
some relief in this unbind.

– Chhaya