Like a Fabric

How much would it take
for you to interpret
what lies behind
my forced smiles
and the guise of
deep watery eyes

can’t you see
I am only trying to be
how you wanted me to be
wrapping my hopes
under the covers of
fake contentment
squeezing myself
to perfectly fit into
the exact frame of
your expectations

and sometimes
I fold myself
like a piece of
silken clothing
to find some space
in your packed closet
hoping that someday
you might pick me up
and take time
to unfold my layers
observing the intricacies
of minute patterns
carefully woven
on a tedious craft

and then perhaps
you just might spot
the missing strands
and little knots of threads
giving jitters to your hands
as you run your fingers
on the plain fabric
feeling the coarseness
mild but sharp enough
to pierce into your skin
giving you a sense of reality.

-Chhaya

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Inky Night

How I love
to rub the inky night
between my palms
crafting verses
of caged emotions
looking for an outlay
fluttering desperately
their unfurled wings

and how I love
to wake up with
hands stained
of leaky thoughts
smudging the darkness
clinging to the gloom
with both my hands
as the tremors
of tribulations
wreck my body
and push my mind
towards the abyss.

-Chhaya

The Gloom

As if the mass of gloom
which we carry inside
wasn’t enough
to leave us agonized
we gulp the darkness
to its every bit
and fill our gut
with acerbic
sap of night

a dejected sleep
snoozes in some corner
as we dream of zilch
with wide open eyes
and this hollowness
full of empty thoughts
only grows galore
with every passing time.

-Chhaya

Keeping My Demons Away

These demons
which I have inside
believe me
I haven’t tamed them
they are not my
proud possessions
nor are they
mere assertions

their genesis
goes back to time
when there were
no dingy dreary nights
but then destiny
played its part
and took my world
for a twist and toss
and slowly when
things revived
there were these
demons left behind
which found a
perfect shelter
in my ravaged
parts and corners
that’s where they
began to breed
feeding my fears
and insecurities

and now they
refuse to go
for they have found
refuge in my core
and sometimes
when they barge out
you see them
in my angry spouts
but I can tell you
they don’t mean ill
though they may sound
and appear evil
you can calm them
and make them sleep
with a little pat
a hug and a kiss

but I am never too sure
if they would ever flee
and if I would ever escape
this lingering perplexity
but if you stay beside
and help me get over
my fears and apprehensions
beneath my covers
may be then
I would find a way
to keep all of my
demons away.

-Chhaya

Complete

Little twisted
little broken
little bruised
that we are
so they find us
little crazy
little misfit
to this world

but that’s ok
for we know that
we don’t care
how they really feel
since what matters
is just that
we are happy
in our skins

they don’t know this
that it’s a blessing
we are together
despite all odds
and that shattered
we might be
but our spirits
are not yet low

and moreover
all my pieces
perfectly fit
into your holes
and every crack that
I have been hiding
you seep deep
into them all

and that’s how
we are complete
in this world which
thinks we are half
for you make me
and I make you
whole in every
way that we are.

-Chhaya

Beyond

I have loved you deep within
in a thousand different ways
and I still want to love you deeper
beyond all the bounds and limits
that one can possibly love someone

beyond the touch
and the sight
your smell
and your sighs

beyond the skin
and the flesh
and the blood
in the veins

beyond the laughs
and the tears
your hopes
and your fears

beyond the curls
of your hair
pure grace
and mystic flair

beyond the blink
of your eyes
and the length
of your smiles

beyond the shape
of your fingers
every freckle
and every wrinkle

beyond the mind
and your frame
and every breath
that you inhale

beyond the days
and the nights
and the darkness
and the light

beyond the secrets
and desires
and everything
that you aspire

beyond the past
and the present
and the future
obscure and latent

beyond the depths
of your core
and veiled scars
and hidden moles

beyond every pore
of your skin
and the aura
that you bring

beyond the beyond
of everything
beyond every fraction
of your being
that’s how
I want to love you.

-Chhaya

Of Comings and Goings

This coming of yours
feels so new, yet so old
as if the going never happened
and the coming was actually
just a part of staying

this coming
so contenting, yet so empty
feels like some season to me
which arrives afresh every year
but has nothing novel to offer
except for the hopes of new beginnings

this coming
so gratifying, yet so ruthless
has got a going attached to it
like the mornings which bring in the light
and leave soon with the coming of dusk
giving way to the dark and dreary nights

this coming
so blissful, yet so despairing
sounds like a familiar melody hummed before
with akin tune and similar notes
and I know this initial cheery music
would soon turn into a somber song

I have seen these comings before
and have also evident the goings
and I wonder if the story repeats itself
would we ever come back to feel sorry
for while these comings are indeed soothing
and can even heal the oldest soares
the goings are often brutal and crude
which only leave behind wounds and woes.

-Chhaya

Of Fading Love

And someday my love
when we would have
no words to exchange
and our passive hugs
would have lost their warmth

when our touch would only
remain a frigid stimulus
and our smiles would be labored
and devoid of charm

when our breaths would no more
feel like elusive fragrance
and our eyes would have stopped
stealing those secret glance

when our voices would cease
to sound like songs
and every gesture
would seem like a forced stance

then my love
it would be time
to let go all the dreams
we saw together
for the love
which we thought
would always last
was only a thing
oh so ephemeral.

-Chhaya

Of Love and Hope

Our unruffled unscathed present
enveloped by the shadows of dark past
was not meant to be like a raven room
full of dead memories and creepy dreams

we the detached deserted souls
like broken branches of trees
lying on the ground in blistering heat
were not meant to sear ourselves
with the caustic pain that we have imbibed

the slivered and shredded hearts
ravaged by the thrashes of doomed love
were not meant to be mended
with the guilt of undevised sins that we hold

the smiles that we barely give away
on our incidental awkward meetings
were not meant to be restricted
by the extent of closeness which we share

the loving tender touch of warm fingers
which we have been abstaining from
were not meant to remind us of
all the ugly scars that our bodies carry

the windows and doors of desires
which we have kept shut over the years
were not meant to keep at bay
the beams of luminous hope
which the future would soon radiate.

-Chhaya

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