Repelled Love

When a love is repelled
it doesn’t go away too far
it stays there
somewhere close to you
in the dark corners of your desires
and in the light of your hopes
it doesn’t touch you
but you can feel it
like you can feel
the fear of an unknown in the dark
the stimulation in a dream
and the pain in a loss

When you repel a love
a love you really wanted
it stays there
and clings to you
and you may try to push it away
but you can never let it go
for it knows
you want it
you want it bad
for it knows
you have repelled it
but you haven’t killed it

You can never kill it
like you can never kill
a site you have seen
or a sound you have heard
or a smell you have inhaled
as things felt once
can never be destroyed
they become a part of you
consuming a piece of your being
whether you consent or not

And this love
which you have repelled
is not just a part of your being
it’s the being in itself
and while you may try
to run away from it
how would you run away
from that fraction of yourself
which lives in that repelled love ?

– Chhaya

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