A Walk to the Window

I hear a fluttering sound
Outside my window
Sometimes a knock
A tap
Or even a whisper
I wonder if it’s a bird
A heavy gush of wind
Or just you
Trying to draw my attention

The space by the edges of my bed
Pave way to a strenuous walk
towards the window
Though the urge takes me in
I have no courage left
To find myself again
In a spot of doomed expectations
“What if it’s not you ?”

My mind is a ponderous thing
Crushing under its own weight
Burdened by a futile past
And residues of deficient sleep
Heaviness being a constant
I now wonder
“Is a light mind even a thing ?”

My feet haul the weight
As I drift warily to the window
Swallowing a huge piece of my ego
Which attempted to hold me back
“Don’t fool yourself” it spoke
Only to go all in vain !

Closer to the window
The sounds begin to fade
And so do my reluctant steps
“Tricked again !” screams my mind
Loud enough to shatter my hopes
“Where do I go back from here?”
I kept thinking
Only to find my hefty feet
Veering back towards the bed
My mind heavier than before
My heart sinking in deep despair
The frosty bed reminding me of
Benumbed times we went cold
The rusty windows
Settling into the banal silence
And me waiting for the sounds
To invite me again.

~ Chhaya

Lost Summer

I haven’t had a chance
To stitch my heart together
In a long time,
There’s been no mend
To the pieces of me
Cluttered in my backyard,
I haven’t reached out
For the warmth
Of a loving hand
In all the winter nights gone by,
My home now reminds me
Of a gelid chamber
Of frosting walls,
The sun sometimes
Peeps reluctantly
Through my window
Only to be frozen
Behind the glass panes.

I don’t remember summers anymore,
My skin can’t recall
How the touch of
Morning beams feel like,
For I am only treasured with the nights
That you carefully left for me
Behind the olive curtains,
And a condensed blue moon
That still rests inside your closet.


All I do now
Is wait for you
To bring back
My lost summer.

~ Chhaya

Finding Love

Move on
For the nights would swelter
And the days would shrivel
Until we find the rains again
Soaking our hearts
Over the backyards of
Love long abandoned.

~ Chhaya

It Rained!

It rained last night
When we kissed.
Yes it did!
I could feel
The drizzle
Soak my soul.
Tiny love droplets
Slowly seeping
Through my skin.
My bones
Sinking
In the puddles
Filled with
Amorous pour
Of fervent desires.
Didn’t you hear
The sound
When it plashed
All over our hearts
As our lips
Entwined ?
Couldn’t you feel
The sweet mist
In our breaths
As we gasped
For air
From
Each others’ mouth?
You wouldn’t know,
But, it did rain
Last night.
And I am still
All drenched!

~ Chhaya

Do Wake Up!

Tell me,
Did you hear me
Grub my dreams
Last night
Or the nights before?
My eyes turning into
Makeshift shovels
Trying to dig out
The skeletons
I have been hiding
From you
Beneath the layers of
black mud nights.
I remember
You murmured something
As you slumbered next to me
With your head on my shoulder.
Perhaps you did sense
The heavy gush
Of tired breaths
From my mouth
But barely could you hear
The loud thumps on my chest.
Could you ?
Though I wish you had.
I wish you had
So you had woken up
And calmed me down
With a kiss
A hug
Or may be just your hands
Reaching out for mine
Helping me wipe those shovels
Of all the filth from past
That I had been soiling them with
Night after night.
I wish you had
So you could have
Reassured me
That my dreams
Need not be
Endless excavation missions
Yielding nothing but
Debitage memories
But that
They were meant to be
Beautiful gardens of love
And everything else
That I have ever wished for.

Tonight when my heart thumps
I hope you wake up
Please, do wake up!

~ Chhaya

The Belonging

I don’t belong to you
The aureate sunshine.
I am of the darkness
The sapphire nights
The gloomy sky
And the murky shadows.
I dwell
In the abode of dreams
Dozing
In the arms of the moon
Gently caressed
By its silvery beams
Wrapped
In the soothing warmth of
Velvety astral duvet
Reciting
In my mind
The unwritten
Poems of love.
No, I don’t belong to you
The aureate sunshine.

~ Chhaya

Love Voyage

Through the waters
That silently flow
At the back of your eyes
I sail
Like a lost ship
Anchored by
Your breaths
Trying to reach
The shore of your heart
Patiently
Enduringly
Gushing through
The amorous waves
That come my way
Holding on to
All my desires.

~ Chhaya

Put My Fears to Sleep

The stars are mute tonight

The sky is in a silent phase

The wind has lost its music

And the moon has no story to tell

This taciturn aphonic night

Is what my heart abhors

So sing me a lullaby, will you?

And put my fears to sleep.

~ Chhaya

Empty

Drained eyes

Yield empty dreams

In the vacuity of

Ransacked nights

As a sunken mind

Unveils memories

From the dark depths

Of times unplumbed.

~ Chhaya

Of Courage

My hands were bruised
Trying to grasp a moment
That felt like an eternity
I was losing a battle again
To a fragile fate
Succumbing to
The trickery
Of my own destiny
I shrivelled
As pain creeped in
Deep inside my gut
While I carried
The hefty remains
Of vanquished dreams
And crushed desires
Recklessly stacked
Beneath the layers
of my peeling skin
My bones crippled
trembled and creaked
and popped and cracked
Under the weight of
Gross despondency
But never did they give in
To the pangs and qualms
Of my decimated hopes

So I kept walking
To fight another battle
To grasp another chance.

~ Chhaya

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